Life these days.....it keeps getting harder.The more struggles that arise in my life....the less people there are here to encouarage me and let me cry in there arms for comfort.I have the knowledge of the right things to do...but when i go to do them something goes wrong.I'm not sure what...When i turn to jesus....i get nothing from him.He's deff working in my life...but i have no passion to dig into the word.I WANT TO GET BACK INTO GODS WORD...but its so hard.And i have no idea why.Maybe its because everything around me is falling apart.I know theres hope...it's just very hard to find at the moment.I have no idea what im supposed to do...I'm so confused.All i do is cry...i come off to people as the depressed one or woe is me...(Or is that a lie from satan?heck....ive been told that...)The emotional ups and downs make my life seem unstable and that i am insane....but truth is;im really sane.Life just gets hard.I can't comprehend any of it.All i know is God will help in his time and its for my good.He took away a friend today....i guess you could say im free now...I wont be held down anymore.Why can't i keep myself encouraged.Is it really that hard???How could i be sooo very close to God and now it feels like im...a stranger...God knows how much i desire him.God,why is my life the way it is right now???I dont understand how i could run to your word,listen for you....and all i get is nothing...I let my emotions completely wreck my life....i let them overtake my mind and combine with satans lies...and i guess thats when im like...dang...i cant get anything from gods word while holding the bible open in my hands....Where is god like he used to be??I need god.I need comfort.I need encouraging friends.I need a life full of christianity again.I need a full life.Like i had....Wheres the passion?I'm being selfish...part of me wants to be all grown up.do what i want...even though...their not the godliest things..I try to spend time with god...idk what im missing.Only god knows where im headed.I just want answers.I'm trying to have patience but its not working out so well for me...God....i know you still here me...i know you still see me...i know you have caught all those tears...Am i doing something wrong God?Or....do i have to doubt you?do i have to run to other things?Do i have to be alone?do i have to live loike this?No....Well then where are these answers....there in the bible...i know they are.....God...idk how you can be so patient with me...and still love me...my emotions....are like an elevator.Up down up down up down...I need you God....I'm tired of crying...Tears get me no where.but nothing else seems to help either.idk what i need but i know i need soemthing.Something is missing.I want to fully seek God with my whole heart...but hoenstly...These days...idk where to start anymore..and i keep wondering if anything is ever going to change....Idk how i got to this stage....but God bring me out of it..because i DO NOT want to stay here...and i know you dont want me to either.
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