These tears....They have been falling from my face all day today.Two paralell lines of clear liquid,they're wet,at the same pace they stream down the curve of my cheeks,til they fall from my chin into my lap.Today has been one of those days where i feel like giving up,but i know i can't.I know I'm constantly either knowing/talking about how God can help me or talk about giving up.I realize i do this alot....it's just that things get so hard sometimes,that i WANT TO GIVE UP but I KNOW THAT I CAN'T GIVE UP!God has provided many people for me to talk to,but the majority let me down....But this school year....i feel like i will have no one...It scares me....I blow up like a blowfish if i hold all my emotions in and am not able to talk things out.I run to god,but i know i need to run STRAIGHT TO GOD,FULLY,and maybe ONLY to him....it's just hard sometimes.Lazyness and lies set in me...and i feel like giving up.It's an on and off thing.....I'm sick of satan trying to steal my recovery.There's a huge battle inside me.
When i feel like giving up..... 1)I wanna go out and mess around with guys(because i feel like it's too late for me bc of the rape....but i know it's not) 2)I wanna cut. 3)I wanna just talk to someone....when i have no to talk to...except God...and then i get irritated.It's just so hard to run to god first and fully.I used to be able to do it....but now it's like i can't...idk why....I wanna know why....
Tonight i was sitting on my bed crying,,lifting my hands to God.I want him to take EVERYTHING...all these temptations in wanting to give up.I KNOW I CAN'T GIVE UP!!!!I REFUSE TO!!!NO MATTER WHAT I SAY!!!!!I'm trying to fight this....
God-I want you to take all this temptation away from me.I don't want to be sexally tempted....or tempted to cut,or to want to give up.....help me to flee.Lord,I want to be obedient.Lord please provide this year and help me to know that i am not alone.Help me to know that what i feel is only feelings but your truth is the truth and permanent,feelings are only temporary...This is only a season of my life.You have rescued me before,provided for me,and loved me in the past.Help me to trust that you will do that same in everything that is to come this year.I am scared and lord i do not want to fear what's to come.I want to be able to face what's in front of me knowing that you are GOD!The one who SAVES!PROVIDES!LOVES!SPEAKS TO AND THRU! other people!!God i love you....and i know i want to give up alot...you understand why i feel that way alot....You know that you have provided me with people.No one will be leading me.You will be leading me.Help me to just RUN TO YOU!!!!I want to have a strong relatioinship this year,because i feel like i need to dig more into your word and focus on it,if i dont...im afraid i wont make it thru this year....Lord,please save me from my feelings and the lies from satan.Only you can save me.Amen.
I need words.As wide as sky.I need language.large as This longing inside.And I need a voice.Bigger than mine.And I need a song.to sing You.That I've yet to find.I need You, Oh, I need You.I need You, Oh, I need You.To be here now.To be here now.To hear me now.To hear me now.-David Crowder Band.
When clouds veil sun And disaster comes Oh, my soul Oh, my soul When waters rise And hope takes flight Oh, my soul Oh, my soul Oh, my soul Ever faithful Ever true You I know You never let go You never let go You never let go You never let go When clouds brought rain And disaster came Oh, my soul Oh, my soul When waters rose And hope had flown Oh, my soul Oh, my soul Oh, my soul Oh, my soul Overflows Oh, what love, oh, what love Oh, my soul Fills hope Perfect love that never lets go Oh, what love, oh, what love Oh, what love, oh, what love In joy and pain In sun and rain You're the same Oh, You never let go-David Crowder Band.
People change and plans get changed and.Everything changes but You.Everybody moves around and Everything gets pushed around but You.You always stay the same, stay the sameI want to finish last,Last in the world's eyes.No matter what I do.I will be first in your eyes.I am running in this race and.I am pressing onwards towards the finish lineYou have promised me a better life.Far beyond this world,far beyond this place and time-Stellar kart
She never slows downShe doesn't know why but.she knows that when.She's all alone feelsLike it's all coming down.She won't turn around The shadows are long And she fears if she criesThat first tear The tears will not stop Raining down So stand in the rain Stand your ground.Stand up when it's all crashing down.You stand through the pain You won't drown.And one day what's lost can be found.You stand in the rain.She won't make a sound.Alone in this fight with herself.And the fears whispering.If she stands, she'll fall downShe wants to be found butThe only way out is through everything she's running from Wants to give up and lie downSo stand in the rain.Stand your ground.Stand up when it's all crashing down.You stand through the pain You won't drown.And one day what's lost can be found.You stand in the rain.So stand in the rain.Stand your ground.Stand up when it's all crashing down.Stand through the pain You won't drown.And one day what's lost can be found.So stand in the rain.Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down.You stand through the pain.You won't drown And one day what's lost can be found.You stand in the rain-Superchick
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